Specifically for Parents

    Do you ever have one of those moments when you ask yourself, “What was I thinking when I decided to have children?”  Do you ever wonder what you have gotten yourself into or if you only knew then what you knew now? 

     As a mother of three, I have had several of those moments.  They usually hit me at times like when I am at the supermarket and they start pointing, whining and begging for the box of cereal that is covered in sugar, costs about $7.00, and lasts about 2 days.  And no they don’t all want to eat the same cereal, but each has to have his/her favorite.  Then after shopping for an hour, I have to stand on line for another 30 minutes because I have way too much for the express line only to hear more whining about how long the line is.  Someone always has to use the bathroom even though I told all of them to go before leaving home.  My two year old is trying to climb out of the shopping cart so he can run around through the crowds while my nine year old and ten year old are screaming and pushing each other because one “accidentally” stepped on the other’s foot.  Then top that off with a $200.00 grocery bill for food that barely lasts a week.  Let’s not even talk about the time it takes to load and unload the car with the groceries that I bought.  Yes, these are the joys of parenthood.

     I remember when a good friend of mine first posed the question to me, “Do you like your children?”  I was confused and wondered if it were a trick question.  She then explained, “You know I love my children, but I really don’t like them sometimes.”  I was dumbfounded but impressed by her honesty.  At the time, I had no other friends with children and had gotten all of my parenting advice from books and magazines that glorify being a parent.  I harbored similar feeling but was never able to admit them to even myself. 

     Don’t get me wrong, I feel blessed and honored to have my children in my life and they motivate me to strive for the best because I wouldn’t want them to have anything less, but being a parent is not always glorious.  There are many moments, hours, and even days that are absolutely trying.  And what you don’t often read in the magazines and books is that during those times, you feel frustrated, exhausted, incompetent, and yes even resentful and all of that is completely normal.  We don’t get along with our friends, spouses, or siblings all of the time so why are we expected to do so with our children.  This is not to say that it is okay to take your frustration out on your children verbally or physically but that you should know that there are going to be some dark moments and before you can cope with these moments you have to be able to first acknowledge them and not feel guilty doing so. 

     With that said, I modified my general list of stress management techniques to develop tips that can be specifically helpful to parents:

• Take care of you.  This is by no means being selfish.  You have to make sure you are at your best to be able to be strong for your children even if it means leaving them with a sitter/family member to engage in an activity that brings you pleasure, i.e. catching a movie, going to a social event, getting a manicure/pedicure.
• Remember to have fun.  Parenting isn’t all about scheduling and disciplining.  Schedule family time so that you and children are able to enjoy each other.
• Don’t over-extend yourself- it’s okay to say no sometimes and delegating tasks at home not only helps you but teaches your children responsible behavior, even the little ones can chip in.
• Utilize you support network.  Connect with other parents and develop a network where you can give and receive both physical and emotional support